Tuesday, January 8, 2008

Tabula Rasa

Tabula Rasa.

The ancient term originating from Latin referring to the concept that humans enter the world without any ideas, and effectively learn everything that makes up their growing world as they develop. Now, although I am an atheist I am in the favor of the thought that there may yet be more to this world than meets the eye. I frequently ponder fate and destiny and would feel relieved if I knew my actions had any higher consequences than the literal and physical results of them. I am partial to the careful and introspective thoughts and aspirations of Buddhism in that consideration.

Now, the point of saying that is to say that lately I have noticed a particularly recurrent theme in nature and life. Life is very forgiving. The Earth is forgiving. Nature is forgiving.

In my optimistic, idealist nature I would like to attribute this fact to the possibility that there is something of transcendent ability that guides these natural themes. I should make it clear that I have absolutely no interest to believe in any God, especially of this world, ever again, however such thoughts are very inviting to my conscience.

Lately I have found particular good fortune in waking up every morning and having a chance to start anew, that through trial and error I may achieve refinement. In this manner it is refreshing that any menial mistakes I make ultimately only hurt me as much as I let them. For me this is important because I have made a lot of foolish, harmful decisions in the past year, and I am realizing that bad habits die hard, very hard. A long time I have been trapped in the ignorantly idealist mindset that I will eventually cross the chasm of redemption instantaneously, partly because I do not know the best way to go about changing how I live, and partly because I do not want to deal with whatever that change may entail. Either way I am certain resolute, steadfast will power and determination are imperative to such a process, and that my decisions during such will prove to determine what type of person I become.

In this process, I am relieved to find again and again that I may start over, that I have a tabula rasa in the form of my actions. Another encouraging point is that struggling feels a lot more difficult and real now that I no longer ask God to do everything for me, for then the ignorantly idyllic mindset I spoke of earlier is impaired tenfold.