Like Clockwork

Like Clockwork, the moon glides shining to its nest.
The watchmen hangs a lantern through twilight,
And wonders, if one could trail the moon's flight
Through sky, starlight, and cosmic Might?

Upon cobblestone, a crooked carriage creaks.
Drawn by the gravity of a wicked will,
and man's conviction of his superior skill.
It's sight set on an incipient light, found over the hills

"And far away, it seems-"
Said the watchman to his mate-
"That a carriage approaches in the dim light."
So they drew the curtains tight, and hoped for a safe night.

At the crest of the final hill the carriage's axle snapped,
And the knave's curses could be heard through the dark yard,
As by the time it would take to untangle his muddled fate,
The sun would have risen, and caused his aim to appear embarrassingly late.

Inexorable Vegetarianism?

I have been thinking a lot about Fate vs. Free Will lately. If there is a god, especially of the Christian form, it would certainly be plausible for such an entity to have the ability to predestine our actions or be of a nature superseding time. The quandary comes when one contemplates an individual's salvation in this setup of a fatalistic ideology. If God has already allotted all of our movements and decisions, then someone who never accepts God is fated by God to his path of 'not accepting God,' and is ultimately chosen by God to be doomed. By the fact that such people exist, what quality of God's nature allows him to do this? How could God doom some and predestine others to heaven? And what a miserable existence it would be for those 'fated' to hell, and how intrinsically arduous it would be to avoid arrogance and piety for those 'fated' to heaven.

Needless to say, such a seemingly irrational doctrine is easy to dismiss. However, the primary shadow that paralyzes me in my denial of it is the idea that if there really is a God then such a being would undoubtedly be beyond our nature. And if this creature invented the universe, and us, he would surely have a better knowledge as to what and how we should exist, and perhaps in some ephemeral logic impossible to our minds there exists a justification for a doctrine like Predestination. Moreover, the clay pot does not question its maker as to its purpose or its design; in the same manner who are we to question a Sovereign will above our own?

These are simply questions I have been pondering. Questions that deeply perplex me but I have trouble fully and confidently denying.


Subsequently, for the record, as of today I am a vegetarian, with exception to dairy products, eggs, and an occasional indulgence in sushi. I have embraced this decision after a spontaneous outrage in the inhuman pragmatic nature of America's meat industry, and a realization of the idea "We are what we eat."

Ayn Rand: Objectivism

Selfishness. Our society defines it, and deems it, morbid and repulsive. Selfishness exists in two forms. The first, selfishness to instincts, where, one acts arbitrarily based on their natural tendencies to eat food, acquire money, have sex, etc. Selfishness in this sense is foolish and pitiful. People bound by this selfishness act only to please their fluctuating whim and opinion. The second form of selfishness is truer to the word's inherent meaning. Selfishness in the refined sense is a quality of existence in which one acts only to please oneself, but on a higher level than instincts only, and with a fully involved conscious. It is this selfishness that Ayn Rand exposes as essential to the life of man.


Ayn Rand professes that men be selfish- selfishness, to her, becomes a virtue. Capitalism is then the ultimate economic actualization of this viewpoint under which all men strive towards furthering themselves in society. I am reading Atlas Shrugged, and have already completed The Fountainhead, and I find Ayn Rand's philosophy intriguing. I am enthralled primarily because it seems to connect with me on a deep level. The characters that embody Ayn Rand's virtue of selfishness in her novels are characters that engage their humanity fully, and live for whatever pleases them.

You have Howard Roark, an architect, whose sole purpose is to build- create- design. Through this work Roark finds ultimate fulfillment and joy, and as such he pursues it fully. A man with a purpose- that is the goal of a life. Objectivism advocates that men that live to their purpose become complete. These men are uncompromising, and the opinion that matters to them the most is their own. That is one aspect of Objectivism that I find very sensible. So many people corrupt themselves by living off others- "secondhand opinions" Ayn Rand labels them. So many people go shopping for clothes, asking themselves, "How do I look in this- what would other people think?" Very few people trust their own selves enough to abandon the worrisome question of "What do other people think."

In its essential meaning, selfishness is incredibly attractive. Ultimately, all men are separate. There should not be and seems not to be any force that commands men to be charitable in any way to their kinsmen. We are all individuals. Remaining true to oneself seems obvious, and is reflected in the multitude of people who pander their own instincts daily, addicted to the first form of selfishness. So why not extend this natural tendency to its true form- to dedicate our actions to really gratifying what we want. If you are interested in cooking food, learn it and open a business, recoil and hide at nothing that tries to stop you. It is not for the money, but for the unparalleled satisfaction that cooking gives yourself. Everyone has certain activities that in some way take them out of the world through the medium of the interest put in it. It is these activities that men should be truly devoted to- as Roark is with architecture.

Primarily, what I find in Ayn Rand's work is a complete form a man. Man as he is meant to be. That is appealing, and as much as I find myself naturally compelled to it, I am left with an apprehension that I will confront in another post in the next few days.

Also, who is John Galt?

Oh, Summer.

The Earth we live in is bursting with life and activity. Even despite the incessant hum of our engines machines factories trucks, our unending pollution and poison, the Earth prospers and grows, burgeoning with life. To look outside and witness the trees sprouting with color and vibrancy is endearing, to sit by a stream flowing softly can be more pleasant than any transient satisfaction found in television media and music. The world offers a paradise of life so grand and fulfilling, but in nearly every way is overlooked and neglected. Global warming and human extravagance is on the verge of seriously destabilizing the wonderful world we live in.

I suppose I am a man of nature by heart, and I gladly accept the thought that one should be capable of surviving without any dependence on physical objects, restraints or distractions. A ascetic philosophy like this lacks practicality, but I wish to hold true to the ideal. As such, I would say that nature in itself offers us everything we need to survive with and learn from. In many ways the tribes of Africa were incredibly more advanced than the greed imperialists that invaded and destroyed them by force.

The conventional conception of God relies on some type of life-changing, evangelizing philosophy, which is more dependent on an individual's perception of progress than any real truth. God today offers some type of an escape from the world, and only halfway satisfies the innate longing within people for fulfillment. However, God is merely a simpleton distraction from the truly chaotic and dismantled state of the world. Not a day in history has passed that some civilization on this planet has endured without fighting, robbing, arguing, and killing. Every human holds within himself the ability to improve and surpass the vices the restrict us all. Belief in God does nothing to encourage such a practice.

Edward

I was in a park near where I live the other day, of mere coincidence, after buying a cd at nearby Borders. I was parked, in the process of unwrapping the cd, when a homeless, or at least impoverished man approached me. There was no reason to be afraid, this was a friendly park and I have had many experiences like this before. The man, Edward, goes into a story about how his feet hurt really badly, he has diabetes, some mental disorder, this and that, etc. and needs money for a bus fare to return to his home a few cities away. I wanted to mention how the last two times I have been confronted by homeless men looking for money, the reason was the same: money for a bus trip to a nearby city, after being stranded here in some unfortunate manner. It is probably one of the most foolproof justifications to successfully ask for money from a stranger.

So the man needed money, and initially I was unwilling and annoyed, and prepared to say no. But he keep talking about this and that, mentioned God, and for some reason I was persuaded to let him know I believed in no such thing. So I told him. I told him I don't believe in God, I haven't for about a year and a half. He was curious as to why, and asked if something really traumatic had happened as the cause, the same question another one of my friends asked me just the other day when I told them the same thing. "No," I said. It was just a feeling, one day I just woke up and knew that I didn't and couldn't believe in God any longer. Incidentally one of my close friends died about two months later, but I can honestly say that played no role in my relationship with religion, and told him that as well. Edward proceeded to say "That's fine that's fine, everyone's got their own opinion and everything," and told me the reason he believed in God was because of his son. He told me that his son had died when he was eight years old and afterward he had nearly abandoned God, but reconsidered for the sole reason that if he was to really believe in God he would have a chance at seeing his son again someday. I decided that was fair and let him know that surely if there was such an "Almighty God" as so many people say there is then He would be capable of solving the mess off this world and setting it all right afterward, and in the meantime I shouldn't worry too much about it. One cannot decide to believe in something, especially a God, and if one does then that belief is hollow and worthless.

Either way, towards the end of this conversation I had an urge to give this guy a $20 bill I had in my wallet. It was not out of compassion, belief in his story, or hope that he would use it for anything approvable, only out of willingness to give it to him. What we do with what we are given is up to us. If he choose to go and buy drugs or alcohol or whatever that is his choice. So I gave him the money, he was extremely grateful, and requested a ride a few miles away to his grandmother's house where he was staying. I agreed, I was headed about that way anyways, and just decided to for the hell of it. We conversed about school, where he is from, what he did when he was younger, which was rope horses apparently, this and that, and eventually arrived at a run-down, pale colored apartment building with red, rusted stairs in the front. I let him out, and my suspicions of his intention were confirmed by his departure. I was skeptical from the start just by the nature of his story, and because I've heard it so many times before, but when I dropped him off, I asked for his name again, and said "You're welcome, I hope you make it back home." He shook my hand lightly, muttered a thanks, not nearly as enthusiastically as he had earlier, left the car, walked across the street, and around to the back of the apartment building without looking back once. As soon as he safely had what he wanted, he was done, and I meant nothing. To me, this is no surprise.

The reason I gave him what he wanted was, for one, I do believe in karma, and to some extent what we do will find its way back around to us. However this was not selfishness, I did not act out of hope for some good deed to be returned to me later. Karma establishes a mutual kinship between all humans, and for this world to survive those with power must be willing to give up their power. The eternal struggle between the classes of society, between the rich and poor, between the nobility and the oppressed, is embodied and defeated in the act of honoring another man's humanity and allowing him the trust one would allow anyone else. I never bought the authenticity of Edward's plea. The only tool the impoverished have is authenticity, honestly, or at least apparent honestly, to get what they want. Who am I to blame or condemn them to what we all do, but in different forms?

So he took the money and the ride, forgot me, and is off to do whatever the hell he wants. However, had I denied him the money I would not have prevented any self-destructive habit he had, only prolonged him from reaching it. If he wants to damage himself then so be it. The choices we make are ours and ours alone. I let him choose. That power was mine, and hopefully giving him the power to choose was better than actually giving him twenty dollars.

But I wonder if it was not all in vain. Futile. He doesn't care, I didn't lose much, he didn't gain much. What does it all matter? Should I have confronted him and asked him the truth? Would he have told me? Probably not. And honestly, I don't know, but truthfully I just felt obligated at the time to give someone else what they were asking for, simply out of my capacity to do so.

What's Missing

A scarlet sunset, wistfully I think of
Golden air, and the sound of laughter.
The dream of a broken heart,
In the sight of what's missing.

Dark binding bitterness, looming perilously,
Casting shadows of suppression and regret,
Tearing at the heart, mauling the mind,
The silent boast of what's missing.

But few care to listen.

The hand of a man,
looks to console, looks to conciliate.
But blindly it moves,
with an eye only for itself.

Patience it needs, heartlessness it takes,
The question of time wasted.
The hand grasps, straining,
Calls out, writhing.

But none can hear, none can hear.

Mellow and melancholy,
The hand moves dispassionately,
Uninterested in that which once held its' full attention,
Pondering whether it fate or curse that stole what's missing.

The sunset comes and goes, unnoticed, untold.
The man considers what exactly it was he lost,
Alas, not even he knows,
In the sight what's missing, what's missing.

Priesthood

I mentioned previously that I still attend church, despite being an atheist. Tonight, I attended the ordination of one of the church clergymen into priesthood. I was partially reluctant to go at first, because for one I had some work to finish, and for two I am rather disinterested in all the bureaucracy/hierarchy aspects of the church. I cannot manage to make any sense out of the idea that church workers 'rise in authority' like this and require special ceremonies in order to celebrate their 'official' ascendancy throughout the church. As if a document or ceremony could validate a position or mindset. In the same way a diploma does not affirm one's completion of high school an ordination in no way authenticates one's faith. I simply can't get over the multitude of celebrations we humans produce at the expensive of nothing but the expansion of our own egos.

It is an interesting side note that the man who was being ordained tonight, whom I happen to know fairly well, is equally repulsed by the idea of merit and quantization of faith the church clergy system generates. His dubious, slightly irritated expression was priceless as the congregation began clapping towards the end of the ritual. Needless to say I clapped no more than for a second, unenthusiastically.

One of the vows that was recited before the bishop during the service, read something along the lines of [crudely replicated] "And I promise to conform to the doctrine and belief of the Anglican church" The suggestion that one was to "conform" was rather disarmingly, to me at least, I was surprised it was phrased so abruptly.

In any case, it find the practice of authority in the church highly unnecessary, overly excessive, and egotistical. Any overseeing, authoritative body, from a school administrations to a full scale government, should act as an expedient and nothing more. Its only purpose of existence is to facilitate the principle of the system it supports. Anything beyond this becomes superfluous and corrupts the entire body. So it is with the church as well.